Sunday, December 28, 2008
No matter where you go and what you do, you cannot escape the past. It's always going to be there and will come back to mock you when you least expect it. More importantly, the people in your past are even harder to escape from. With that said, today was yet another day where "F." popped out of my long forgotten past. It seems almost near impossible to keep him in the past, where he belongs. Everywhere I turn, he seems to find a way to get to me. Believe you me that he is anything but doing this on purpose. People who I would have never thought would know him, not only know him but have spent their childhood with him. A friend that I never thought would have even talked to him, not only talks to him but sees him everyday as he's his neighbor! I tried keeping him out of my life altogether, but for some unknown reason he keeps finding a way to slip in... Call it what you want, but I'm thinking fate?
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Today was an emotional roller-coaster for me. From the morning up until now. Oddly, it was just "official" an hour ago, I don't even want to start. I'm sick of discussing it and thinking about it. This has just gone on for too long.
I don't regret what we had - I promise...
Monday, December 22, 2008
I can officially say it's over. I can't say that I feel good but at the same time I don't exactly feel bad about it. I don't regret it as much as I thought I did, which is good. I guess...
It was awful though, I wasn't expecting a perfect break-up, if there is such a thing anyway, but I really wasn't expecting his reaction to be like this. Obviously, he isn't supposed to be pleased but he isn't supposed to get all defensive and weird. Seriously, I never saw him like this and believe me that's saying a lot. All that is irrelevant though, I can finally say I'm single and actually mean it.
If I didn't take a step forward and end it when I did then this would have dragged on for much longer and someone was bound to get hurt. By someone, I mean nobody else except me.
I'm grateful for all my friends that were there for me; the ones that knew what was going on, and the ones that didn't. I thank god that I have friends that helped me go through tough decisions and stuff like this.
Last but not least, I just want to say thank you for saying this: "I have nothing to say to you". I don't know which is more sad, that you actually meant it or that after two years this is all you have to say to me...
Saturday, December 20, 2008
When you're too in love to let it go..
For some apparent reason, this is so much more complicated than I ever thought it could be. I had it all planned out and I even had a deadline for myself. Yet it didn't go according to plan AT ALL. It kept getting so ridiculously complicated and it was harder to stick to my decision but I think I did. I mean I don't even know how to explain what happened except that all of a sudden two of my friends are involved for some reason and the concerned party did not even get the message. Call it thick, slow, or whatever you have in mind but that's what it is.
What ever happened to the simple two words? The last I remember, those words were effective. I tried them yet needless to say, the results are not promising.
Fix You - Coldplay
(You know how you keep playing the same song over and over and over and yet can't seem to get enough of it? Especially since it's perfect for your situation or whatever? Yeah that's me and this song..)
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Something "slight" happened yesterday which made my decision quite clear. I finally figured out what I want despite my reluctance to do what I have to. I hate the feeling. I can't really describe it but I can tell you it feels like your heart is heavy, like you're carrying around a burden..
What hurt the most was when I opened my browser today and on my Yahoo page, smack down in the middle was this article "Advice on Ending Your Relationship for Good". I am a firm believer in signs and this is yet another sign that is CLEARING the path up to my decision.
I have thought about this for the last 6+ months but only recently (the past week and a half) have I seriously considered it. But there it is, and I'm feeling okay about it. I just don't want to do it, I want someone to do it for me.. Please? I will give them cookies, I promise.