Unbelievably Belated Memory.

It all started with two thirteen-year olds who sat next to each other in English class. Now English class was not a very quiet class, nor was it a class where the teacher talked a lot. It had a lot of group work and everyone was paired up in twos according to their seating. Naturally, you got to know quite a bit about the person you sat next to.

N and L were seated next to each other. They did not know each other and they didn't have the same circle of friends. However, after a while, they started talking. They talked about family, school, and they shared funny little stories. They had mutual friends and as time passed, started to hang out together in the odd little break set out originally for prayer. Eventually, their friendship panned out of the frame of the classroom. They would call each other, talking about nothing in particular or just gossip.

They were quite different from each other. N was social, she knew everybody and everybody knew her. L, on the other hand, was more shy and comfortably confined to her social circle.

In the summer of that year, N and L starting hanging out which mainly consisted of shopping. All dolled up and in high heels, makeup shopping. It was just the beginning.

It started from there and took off, birthdays were planned meticulously, phone calls never under an hour, text messages about everything and nothing, every problem was dealt with together.

As they got older, their problems increased in number and got more serious. They never budged, always there for each other. Staying up just to wait for the post-problem phone call, making the other feel better, sometimes to ask the other to interfere with a problem - make it better.

After they graduated from high school, N went abroad and L went to college at home. It was not easy to accept change, especially when it was that vehement of a change. College started and each got busy in their own lives, it was hard to keep in touch and there was a lot going on. Issues between them came up yet they overcame them all.

The great thing about their relationship was that once N came for a visit, the pieces all came together and everything made sense again. It's as if nothing has changed. However, the moment they are separated, the pieces scatter once again.

With time, like a routine, they both got used to it. They had their separate lives away from each other and yet another separate one when they were together.

Days filled with running random errands, going out for a coffee, light shopping, helping each other pick out presents, baking, staying at home, gossiping over a hot drink, watching a movie. These meant the world even if they did not really do anything meaningful. Those moments were cherished; appreciated till the next time they were together.

They might not be as close as before, but they have each other. Always there at whatever hour of the night, always just a phone call away.

Test.

Trying out mobile blogging.

I do believe it's true, that there are roads left in both of our shoes...

Regardless of what I planned, my day off was exactly the way it should be. Sure being awake from 7 A.M. isn't exactly what I had in mind but at least I got to go back under the covers and sleep just a little more. And how can anyone be anyone be upset after some good breakfast and coffee?

It's weird how I feel like saying so much but actually have nothing to say. I feel inspired and rejuvenated and all I want to do is write about stuff. Whether philosophical or lovey-dovey, I want to write.

I'm really liking this whole online diary/personal journal. It makes me want to express, period.

She was in the car on her way to her grandmother's house. Nothing out of the ordinary. But he was here. A mere couple of miles away. Not in a different city, not in another region of the country but here. She wanted to tell her driver to change routes. She wanted to see him now. She almost needed to. This kind of opportunity barely ever came along. Why was she going elsewhere anyway? She sighed in complete frustration. Maybe this is how it was supposed to be. With a lot of waiting, frustration, maybe eventually satisfaction.

Odd how life is. Spontaneous yet at times quite repetitive. Be it with routine, feelings, events, and situations. The above post was written on my journal dated November 3rd, 2009.

Scary how life throws stuff like this. Surreal really. Today was my day off and the above was the perfect description of it.

Fortuitous incidents like this do not alarm me anymore. I still do believe in signs and these occurrences merely highlight them.

That said, I would not change today either. It was perfect. Thank god for the people around me.

*Title credited to Soul Meets Body by Death Cab for Cutie.

P.S. There was eventually content.

Everything's Coming up Roses

You love him?
Getting personal, aren't we?
Just answer.
I'll take that as a yes.
I'm not comfortable with that question. Besides, what does it matter to you?
But honestly, I'm serious, how do you know if you love someone?
I'll answer that, as long as you don't make fun of how cheesy it all sounds.
Okay, okay.
Well, there's no really direct way to know, but there are some indications. Like when you get nervous and excited before you see them. When you would do anything to talk to them for just a couple of minutes. When you go out of your way for them. You know, the extra mile? When you're completely comfortable with them that you can sing anything from the top of your head. When everything you come across somehow reminds you of that person. It's the simple things, the little details. I don't know really but I think that's how you know...
I'm lucky to have found him.

Pillow Talk

...people used to call me lucky, now I know that I am.
I don't mind being unlucky as long as I'm rewarded with you now. I'd willingly go through all the misfortunes I had to go through if that means being lucky once with you.

Funny how the most heartfelt words materialize in just the perfect moment.

Inviolable Commitment

To her it was not a chore nor a forced upon task.
It was done volitionally and more importantly, with love.

Commitment seemed like such a bold, impregnable word whereas on the other hand it occurred naturally to her. With such suave. It wasn't like before. At least not for her. There was more effort, time, and energy invested into making this work. Long-term material. Talking to other people wasn't a distraction anymore. More like a mere nuisance that she brushed off.

It was love. Maybe not the whole head-over-heels love nor the intoxicated black hole love. Other people's definitions didn't do the term justice. All romantic attempts aside, she just couldn't care about another person this much without loving them.

He made her heart sing. Prance around in her rib cage. To say she was speechless would be too off. She had so much to say about him, how he made her feel, how much she loved him that she wouldn't know how to start, where...

She was his clingy girlfriend and that's all that mattered.

Rife With Rumors

Dear Mister --,

I feel extremely silly writing this to you but I guess why not? Why not keep the ancient tradition of letter writing alive? I'll stop with the somewhat rhetorical questions now. I'm writing this while I'm supposed to study for my Microeconomics Final tomorrow. I miss you. Every second of every minute of every hour of every day! I miss you when I study, when I sleep, when I wake up, when I eat, when I'm with my friends, when I'm listening to music, when I'm in the car, when I'm in class, when I'm writing a paper. Every time I attempt to understand how the opportunity cost of producing a product leads to a comparative advantage over other producers, I remember you and smile. I bet there will be a question about this tomorrow and I might or might not remember the answer but I'll remember you and smile. ♥

Rubefacient Remarks

I'm just not used to being single. At the end of the day, I always had someone.

Let me be that someone.

She was speechless. Whatever it was she was expecting, it wasn't this. She never knew he thought of her in that way or that he had feelings for her. Ecstatic.

He took her silence as a polite decline.
It's okay if you don't want to...
It's not that. It's just... Y-you took me by surprise.
I wasn't going to say anything this soon but I didn't want to fall in your circle of friends... We'll take it slow.

The way those simple words made her feel. She felt warm inside and was almost sure she was blushing. She smiled. He was the epitome of perfection to her.

Opaque Purple Tights

Her phone vibrated.
Call me when you're on your way.

She sighed and thought about the evening with dread. 

I'd rather just stay in bed and sleep.

Opening her closet, she quickly skimmed through her clothes. It was cold outside. She didn't feel
like socializing, faking smiles, and looking pretty. She grabbed her long-sleeved grey woolen dress and a pair of purple tights.

She always found a way to distract herself. Whether it was some light shopping or spending the day with one of the girls. Her number one rule nowadays was to not get too attached. After all, everyone whom she had ever gotten close to seemed to find a way to hurt her. I never allowed myself to miss you.

She took her time while applying her makeup. Slowly contemplating...

She was went out all the time, forcing herself to socialize, going out with random people, studying when there was nothing to study for, hanging out with mutual friends... She didn't have time to miss him. She repressed the memory of him. Them, for far too long. 

She remembered the box he got her. She got up and went to her dresser.

She took out the little brown box from the back of her sock drawer and slowly opened it. It was still there. Shiny and sparkling in the light.

As she was taking it out; the memory of him overwhelmed her. 

I can't. I just can't. I miss you too much. I miss how your smell, your laugh, the way you say"okay" like you meant it, your obsession about everything football..

She put it back, got up and finished getting ready. As she left, she wiped a tear that seemed to escape. 

-------------------------------------------------------

Repression is just a defense mechanism, the memory is bound to catch up with us.

Unintentional [Part 7] - Interminably

It was like nothing ever changed. Like nothing ever happened between them. 

I got so excited in class, I wouldn't stop interuppting her till she let me read.

He softly chuckled as he imagined her jumping up and down on her seat.

Well, did you read it?
YES! I'm so happy I got to read that part! I don't know why but it made my day.

That's good to hear.

But now I'm so behind the other books I'm reading.

How many books are you reading?!

Two. No, no three.

Why?
One is for my class and the other two are for my book clubs.

Your book club with Lulu?

Yeah.

You're reading two books for that?

No, it's not the same book club.

She could could tell that he wasn't going to like this.

Who is the other book club with?
She paused and didn't know how to answer him.

My friend.

He got the hint and completely changed the course of conversation. She was happy that he didn't push for any details. After all, she hated upsetting him. Besides, they were pretending everything was perfect, why ruin it now?

Even though he tried desperately to make himself more openminded, he couldn't handle all guy friends she had and how she referred to them as any other one of the girls she knew.

Two minutes after she hung up, she got a message from him...

Ex, you were right all along, we aren't good together at all that's why I want you to forgive me if I ever hurt you...

She wasn't shocked nor surprised. In a way, she was expecting this all along.