Sunday, November 20, 2011

C'est l'amour.

I never quite understood how people can spare their loved ones upsetting matters for the sake of their happiness. I am a very open person with those around me yet sometimes, no matter how much I want to, I choose to keep troubling issues to myself. We all have some kind of coping mechanism that we use to deal with all the dark matter inside and around us that usually doesn't change depending on who we're with.

The main reason why I stopped sharing is because I don't like to upset those I love. Apparently, I have been deluded before in thinking that whatever affects me won't affect those nearby. Upon that realization, I became even more blue and completely shut off.

My logical self doesn't approve of asking for help in matters that nobody really has a hand in or can provide a solution. It seems irrelevant to share. I don't like people complaining because it's an unnecessary waste of time that could be spent changing whatever it is they're complaining about. And, if it cannot be changed or helped - then it be best to move on.

On a completely evolutionary level, I don't like feeling vulnerable. No matter how confident one can be, he/she can never truly feel secure about sharing the black holes in our soul, mind, or heart especially with those that mean the most to us.

After this long process of cognizance, it dawned on me that this is what love is really all about. Selfless sacrifice of your sadness for their smiles and spirit.

So please, don't let me down.*

*As I was writing this up, Don't Let Me Down by The Beatles played on my iTunes. 

Saturday, November 05, 2011

What winter days waken...

Reuniting with a best friend after a long time apart is like greeting winter after a scorching summer. I know it might feel like the contrary to some but I feel the need to cool off after a hot and hazy summer, metaphorically speaking.

Every time the air gets a little bit cooler, the sky somewhat more gray, and the wind has a little bit of edge I remember the days when I was younger; I always get a memory of vague schooldays and my best friend.

Winter brings an air of deep melancholy everyone wallows through. I like to believe it's the grayness of the weather, the lack of warmth, and cuddly clothing that makes us feel so alone.

I spent the whole day sitting outside and pouring my heart out to my best friend. To say I feel better would be the epitome of an understatement. I feel better but much worse because only when you say something aloud to another person does it really ring in your head how true it is. And everything is surreal.

How things were and how things are leaves me distraught.