She stared at her phone for a minute. She could feel her heart throbbing. She couldn't see or hear anymore. Sitting down, she dialed the number she still remembered without thinking twice.
He sounded worried. She had missed his voice. She felt her heart breaking at the sound of his voice.
How are you? Are you okay?
I'm okay. How are you?
I'm okay too.
With the formalities out of the way, there was an awkward silence. One she wasn't about to break. She was quietly listening to him breathing softly. She knew he had a lot to say but needed time to say them.
It's okay, how's work?
It's okay, how's work?
Can I ask you something?
This was it...
Don't play games Ex. I want to know.
Her eyes started watering immediately.
Did you get engaged or something? Did someone find out about us? Are you with someone else?!
She tried to stop crying and answer his question but it just caught her off guard. Why else would he have called? She needed to calm down and answer him. The answer she had been putting at the back of her head all this time, the one she never wanted to tell anyone, lest of all to him. He doesn't deserve this. Her tears were falling, she was crying quietly. Yet he was too angry to notice.
I know you don't want to tell me Ex. But I need to know. And I think I've waited long enough.
Okay, okay. I'm going to tell you, just give me time to breathe.
I've given you way too much time, I can't wait any longer. Tell me.
It's just...I mean you know about me and my -ex, right? I was barely single for a few weeks till you declared us together. And you just assumed that I was okay with it. I'm sorry I know you don't deserve this or me but I can't be in a relationship with you.
I thought you were over him.
I was over him but I never wanted anything more with you... I thought we were close friends and that's it. You always wanted more and I just couldn't give it to you! I couldn't be that person for you and you knew it all along yet you kept pushing me...Just because I'm single now doesn't change anything.
Do you want to be with me?
It's not like that.
Ex, answer the question.
I don't know! I DON'T KNOW! Stop asking me and stop pushing me. I know you don't deserve this and I don't deserve you. But you got to stop pressuring me.
Just answer the question. I'm done with discussing this with you.
I don't know. Maybe. Not now? I don't know.
He always managed to leave things unsettled.
So what now? Are we going to be friends? Are we not going to talk ever again? Dammit, are we together?!