Unintentional [Part 5] - X,Y, & Z

(Still Reminscing)...

She looks at her phone.
16 Missed Calls

Her phone started ringing again. Without looking at it, she silenced it and put it under her pillow. This is how it was going to be. She couldn't risk talking to him. At least not now. He stopped calling and started sending messages. She deleted them without even reading them. I can't keep playing with his feelings. I can't be with him. I don't want to. He doesn't deserve me, he needs someone who loves him back. I don't. Her tears started falling. The more she cried, the more she hurt more. I can't believe I'm doing this. He needs me. I need him! At this point, she had no more tears left and was just sobbing. Pretty soon, she was under her warm duvet and fast asleep.

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The days passed. Days, weeks, and now months. She had thought with time it would get easier yet it was just the opposite; the more time that passed the more she missed him. At first she couldn't stop thinking about him, about him waking up with no message from her. No mid-morning messages either. No calls during her lunch hour. They usually talked on their way back home – him from work and her from Uni. Her sleep got messed up after a while. She slept after Uni and there was no wake up call from him. She lost track of everything; her projects, quizzes, and assignments. She felt so lost at Uni, between her friends, and even her family. When she got angry and needed him to calm her down yet he obviously wasn't there. She would burst out crying just at the thought. She hated that she was so dependent on him! To think that he had taken over her world would be an understatement. He had always told her that he was with her and there for her. Always. How could I do this? How could I throw away the most important thing in my life?! What I needed and still need the most!

He had cared so much about her. He knew her class schedule by heart. He knew her instructors and professors – which ones she loved and the ones she hated the most. He knew her marks in every class and on every assignment. He knew her Uni friends, school friends, and the ones that were abroad. There was no part of her life which he wasn't included in and none of which she hid from him. He was her everything.

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It came to a point where they were completely out of each others' lives. He had stopped calling and messaging her. He had even blocked and deleted her off his messenger. It was like a slap on the face when she saw that but she knew there was nothing she could do to make it better. She couldn't call him, she just couldn't - what was she supposed to say? I can't be with you because I don't love you and that is why I'm doing this? In her opinion, this would hurt him much less.

At the back of her mind, she knew he couldn't keep away. That this was just a phase. He was inevitably going to call her. He has to call, I mean he doesn't even know why! The thought alone was a comfort to her. She knew if he called it would only to ask for an explanation and she hoped she would be ready to tell him.

Eventually, she had gotten used to the emptiness. She didn't check her phone every 5 minutes. She didn't even bother charging it anymore and more than once she purposely left it at home when she went out. She deleted all his messages and was going to delete his number but what would be the point when she had it memorized?

With time, she almost forgot about him. He was just a shining memory in her past. There were times when she would remember his voice, laugh, and hidden smiles. But they were too subtle to bring her out of her world where she has gone too deeply into denial. She had thrown herself at her studies; studied her heart out, worked on her projects and put way too much effort in her school work. When she wasn't working, she went out with friends she hardly even cared about. Not even friends but acquaintances. People who she just started hanging out with for the sake of wasting time.

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It was 5 PM. Her parents were taking their usual after-afternoon nap. She had just came home from an early-dinner/late-lunch with the girls. Tiptoeing her way to her room, she could feel her phone vibrating in her purse. She didn't bother taking it out. Who could it be? Nobody calls her anymore. It's probably one of the girls, she might want something. I couldn't care less.

After taking off her shiny black YSL stilletoes, she threw herself on her bed. She cuddled up under her colorful blanket and was ready to fall asleep when she remembered her phone. Lazily getting up, she got her phone from her bag and flipped it open.

1 missed call.

It was him.